“Text without context is merely pretext.”

Scratch that.

“Life without context is merely pretext.”

I’ve lived a neatly compartmentalized life: as a student at school, a Christian at church, one type of person with these people and another with those. And then somewhere deep down there was a gay guy, but he was only let out for recommendations in home decor and gardening. But living such a fragmented life is living the life of a hypocrite: the man you can never really be sure you know because he changes from place to place.

Lately, as I’ve become more comfortable with my sexuality, and been trying to integrate everything into a whole, I’ve had a problem with figuring out my contexts.

On the one hand, I know I need to live a genuine life – as a complete person – so that I can walk legitimately with others. This is what it means I think when John tells us that “if we walk in the light as he is in the light we have fellowship with one another” (1 John 1:7). So I ought not to hide anything. But by the same token, Paul puts Christ first in his ministry, saying he has “become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some” (1 Cor 9:22). What to do?

I am involved with groups which will love me and have fellowship with me, so long as they don’t know I’m gay. If that comes out, I’m afraid I’ll receive either rejection or pity, but not fellowship. And I’m fine with not making an issue of it – I’m not exactly one to raise the rainbow flag and dance around – and how I wish it were a non-issue! – but what if the topic comes up? Do I lie? How do I live authentically as a whole child of God living under his grace and yet living within varied contexts? If my sexuality would be a stumbling block to some people, should I remain in the closet to them so to still be able to be involved in their lives?

Beyond where I am now, what contexts am I best suited for? Do I need to go out and make connections to the gay community? Not to proselytize, but to know people like myself and walk in relationship with them, displaying Christ in my life as best I can (that’s what “witnessing” really is, after all – a life, not mere words). And how exactly does one go out and make connections with the gay community? What is the ministry context that God has designed me for? And when I say ministry, I don’t mean a church office. Every Christian has a ministry, be it in their job, or in their unique community of relationships, or in an “official” church position. Ministry is living a life centered on Jesus in that place in the world where God has called you to be. Where is mine, and how will I know when I see it?

This seems to be one of the bigger questions I’m facing at the moment: I used to have simple answers for it, but not so much anymore.