I’ve recently had the opportunity to hang out with some other gay Christians, who I met through Nick, who I met via GCN. This is a big deal for me because up until then I’d never known any gay Christians, and the stigma (and propoganda) of who and what gay people were was – and to a large degree still is – there.

What I met was a group of guys who are entirely normal. I went to Nick’s church and then we all went out to eat afterwards. Above all I noticed how Christlike everyone’s attitude was. Though I was the youngest person there and new to everyone (save Nick who I’d met once before), I was never made to feel out of place or out of the loop. We didn’t talk about our orientation any more than a group of straight believers do. That was weekend before last.

Fast forward to this past Saturday, when we got together to plan a Bible study. Again, I was overwhelmed by what I cannot describe without religious terminology: the Holy Spirit was so obviously there. We all gave brief testimonies, and seeing that most of us have relocated here only recently, and seeing how God has moved in similar ways in our individual lives to bring us to where we are, I cannot help but think that God is planning on doing something in bringing us together. We decided to meet every other week for a study – for now, on Job – and just get together to do something fun on in-between weeks. There is a decidedly outward focus: to bring in those who may be struggling with reconciling their faith and sexuality or simply want a group of friends to hang out with or take a deeper look at Christ. At the end of the meeting we had communion. I’d never had communion at someone’s home, outside of a church setting, and I loved it because it was a visual and ceremonial reminder of the focus of our meeting: our Lord Jesus Christ. In short, the whole meeting was profoundly Christocentric.

This has reaffirmed and reassured me of the reality that there is no lifestyle that I have to live. That is actually a huge struggle, because there are two sources that promote the same sex-centered life for the gay person:

1. Fundamentalist Christianity (and mainstream too, I just want to differentiate it from ‘mere’ Christianity)

To be gay is to be a sinner. If you’re already sinning in this manner, it probably means you’re sinning in other ways, too: lasciviousness, adultery, sex addiction, lust, pornography, etc. (Mind you, hetero’s are all prone to such things, but no assumptions are made on their behalf.) This is the expectation for gay people – it is simply assumed, and it’s why I hear homosexuality discussed in terms like addiction, promiscuity, and the beloved term lifestyle. Most fundamentalists usually don’t even consider that gay people may exist outside of this paradigm, and readily presume it when dealing with any homosexual person, which is so demoralizing, as I admire them in other respects. It is also why I dread coming out to them, because I have the impossible task of trying to defend myself from having a presumed lifestyle that I in reality do not engage in and have no desire to enter. To be honest I’d rather be called a ‘fag’ than told one can’t support my lifestyle (what lifestyle is that again?). If I am living in a self-damaging manner, then fine: rebuke me, but don’t push on me a set of presuppositions that isn’t reality.

2. Pop Culture and the Media (The World)

To be gay is to fit within a narrow range of stereotypes, which includes – you guessed it – sexual promiscuity. At the very least you have no concept of sexual morality, certainly not monogamy. The liberal media, which supposedly loves homosexuals so much, has done a great job promoting this viewpoint. The homosexual isn’t a human created with the imageo Dei – he’s a representation of idealized sexual liberation. We’ve all seen him in such “gay-friendly” shows like Will and Grace or Rent. Yup, we all fall into that broad brush stroke. So the world encourages the homosexual to live in a degrading and self-destructive manner, and many embrace this, following an activism of the grotesque ‘Pride Parades’ and their own ’sexual liberation’. I have to say that I understand the pressure to live this way: those claiming Christ already assume you’re living the lifestyle and often there’s very little you can say to convince them otherwise; on the other hand, the culture encourages you to pursue such a life.

The truth is, most people’s views fall somewhere between the two of these. But the problem is that both of them are sex-centered: neither promotes responsibility or fidelity for the homosexual, and both are damaging. We ought to be viewing sexuality as an opportunity for the mutual building-up of one another in Christ. Perhaps I should take the time sometime to describe where my sex ethic is coming from, and how I believe it to be Christ-centered, Scriptural, and philisophically and theologically consistent?

So I’m glad I’ve found some brothers (and hopefully sisters soon, too!) where we can encourage and uplift each other by our lives of following Christ as gay persons. Not to say we should only hang out with each other – not to say that at all – but that it helps me to throw off the expectations that I’ve been handed down by both my earthly environments – Christian fundamentalism and the American culture – and see Christ as preeminent above all. I’m not pursuing sexual indulgence nor ‘reparative’ sexuality, but Christ, humbly accepting whatever gifts he may give along the way with thanksgiving (including my sexual orientation, and perhaps one day in the future a partner in ministry and in life).

Now, I have pretty good gaydar and I’m pretty sure there are other gay guys in my on-campus ministry. What my task is for this week is to find a way to talk to them about it, and hopefully invite them to come hang out and bowl with us this Saturday, and show them too that they don’t have to be straight and that they don’t have to live in anyone’s prescribed lifestyle: Jesus is Lord, and he is all that matters.