As the Academy Awards continue to drone on in the background, I thought it might be appropriate to honor another type of movie: the really bad movie.

Recently I’ve discovered and succumb to Rifftrax. To understand Rifftrax we have to go back a little ways to Mystery Science Theater 3000. If you don’t know what Mystery Science Theater (MST3K to its friends) is, check out its wikipedia page real quick. The basic premise is a guy and some robots trapped on a satellite being tortured by a mad scientist by being forced to watch really bad movies. To survive, they make fun of (“riff”) the movies they’re watching. Well, Rifftrax is the same guys who were in the last seasons of MST3K providing their service for more modern, and often more successful, movies. You just purchase the rifftrax audio file (usually for $4), and sync it up with the movie (and they make it a relatively easy process), and sit back and enjoy.

I have seen four riffed movies so far: The Happening, Paranormal Activity, Twilight, and The Room.

The Happening is such a bad movie that not even Rifftrax was able to improve on it. Then again, I’d already had the displeasure of seeing the movie before, and in the theaters at that, so it may have been residual pain coming through.

Paranormal Activity is an independent movie that was excessively hyped as “one of the scariest movies of all time.” That is a lie. It is more boring than it is scary, and both of the characters are annoying and unsympathetic. Paranormal Activity is one of those movies that we have been cursed with since The Blair Witch Project that thinks it’s a cool idea to integrate the camera into the story. The problem with all these stories is there are too many scenes we should not be able to see because only a sociopath would be concerned with filming instead of attending to his fellow human being’s needs. It’s hardly a “horror” movie if you’re continually annoyed and frustrated at the main characters. Add that onto the fact that you will spend ten minutes at a time watching people sleep. The only action you will have to tide you over during these scenes will be a door moving slightly. Then after the couple wakes up, you will get to watch the douchey guy and his ditzy girlfriend watching the recording of the scene you just finished enduring on a computer, and commenting “look at that, it moved!” Repeat ad nauseum until the entirely predictable ending. Rifftrax made this film bearable.

Twilight was something else, however. Twilight is a very, very bad (and very high-grossing) movie, and the guys at Rifftrax made it hilarious. You probably know about the movie already, but the riffs, which came consistently during the utter inanity of the film, were a delight. It even tops some of my favorite MST3K episodes.

And to the last one: The Room. The Room is hard to describe because it is just so very surreal. It’s not supposed to be surreal, though, it’s supposed to be a drama. The Room was conceived of, starred in, and directed by a man named Tommy Wiseau. It’s unclear who Tommy is, although it’s obvious that his first language is not English, and it’s not clear that he understands human behavior at all. It’s possible that he’s an alien. Maybe an autistic alien. Certainly a very ugly one. And that ugliness will come back to hurt all his viewers. I didn’t know what I was getting into when I rented the movie and downloaded the Rifftrax, but there are three incredibly bad sex scenes. They are not sexy. They are not necessary to the story (although that implies that anything in this movie is necessary to form any “story”). The sex scenes seem mostly to be there to assault you with Tommy Wiseau’s naked backside, and they can actually be medically prescribed to induce celibacy. If you watch this, I recommend either looking away or going into another room and doing the dishes during these scenes.

Tommy also continuously greets people, in his vaguely European accent, with, “Oh hi, <name here>.” Every time; he just doesn’t disappoint. It doesn’t matter if they’re old friends, someone new, someone expected, unexpected. It’s all, “Oh hi, Denny;” “Oh hi, Susan;” “Oh hi, Lisa.” It’s just one of the many ticks in this movie that makes it so surreal. It’s hard to say exactly what it is about this rifftrax that is so hilarious, but it simply is. There was one point where I had to pause the whole ordeal and spend the next several minutes getting the laughs out. Definitely the funniest of the four rifftrax that I’ve seen so far. If you want to check one of these out but are a bit skittish about the sex scenes in The Room, you can definitely check out Twilight, which is second to The Room in my mind, and furthermore is much cleaner – inasmuch as a movie whose target audience is fourteen-year-old girls can be “clean” rather than “a crime against humanity.”

Anyways, that’s all. Just a fun thing for you to check out.

I have come to realize that I have a special affinity toward my tripod. It is more than just a piece of metal that is useful for placing a camera atop.

My tripod is my bulky companion on many a photoshoot. Like a significant other, it can get in the way, limiting my freedoms in the moment. But also like a significant other, when it pays off, it pays off big, and I remember all the reasons why I have it. My tripod and I work together to create something beautiful together, I creating an artistic frame and selecting the right times and places, and my tripod provides the necessary stability for this, so that when the light is low there is still a crisp image.

I feel secure with my tripod. If I am walking back to my apartment and am going through a neighborhood that may be a bit seedy, I know that I have 10 or so pounds of solid metal with a high-torque swing available to me, and have no need to fear. Whether the blows would be fatal I don’t know, but I have no doubt that some serious damage could be done with it. If I am hiking, even with friends, and we were to encounter a black bear, there is no need to fear, for my tripod is here. Alien invasion? No problem: I have a tripod. And such is my motto: speak softly and carry a big tripod.

And also, my traps are not entirely (but almost) insignificantly enhanced from consistently carrying it on my shoulders. I just have to keep it from always being on one side or I could end up looking like Quasimodo.

Joss Whedon wins my serious appreciation. Humorous and a new creative look at video-based story-telling. Take a look – it disappears on Sunday (while they ready it for sale).

Hat tip: office mates.

I said I wouldn’t write weightier posts and I am trying to keep myself to it. But my mind is like a whirlpool of these lately, and my lighter reading is rapidly coming to an end. In appeasement to myself, I will post a few ‘weightier’ links.

Andrew is back to the online world, for which I am somewhat happy. I wish I had his knowledge about church history (which he finds depressing), for then I could say more than just that Christianity became progressively a political force, and it did, but also such things like ‘Cyril of Alexandria is an “uber-super-unmatched-bastard.”‘ Although I am not as knowledgeable as he, I have wondered about the ‘heresy’ of Nestorianism as it seems to deal with erudite matters over which ‘heresy’ is an overstrong word. And anyone willing to rationally defend Pelagius (who does seem to have far more in common with the early Fathers than Augustine!) gets automatic addition to my list of cool people. I don’t know why I still have so much interest in all this. Perhaps I really am turning into Bart Ehrman.

On another church-related note, it deeply saddens me to see the looming schism in the Anglican church. Honestly, for a church that remained united despite the issue of slavery, I find homosexuality a rather trivial thing to schism over. In fact, are they splitting over what it means to be a Christian, or who Jesus is, or the nature of God, or (for God’s sake) even over how to organize a church? No – it’s that members of the Global South can’t stand that there are congregations that disagree about whether it’s okay to advance a sexual ethic of monogamy regarding approx 3% of the human population. This may become a contentious issue to debate, but schism over it, really? Akinola I find to be a rather harsh and intolerable man, who has supported and advanced the passing of the world’s harshest anti-gay laws, which I should hope one opposes regardless of one’s ‘position’ on the morality of the issue. In light of the sort of legislation he backs, I am even more appalled that many US episcopates have switched allegiance to the Global South – I’d like to think that they are blind to Akinola’s political policies, as sadly few people know or care about this sort of thing, but that does not fully excuse them.

The world food crisis has me progressively concerned. And as Dan of Poser or Prophet points out, we typically find entertainment in stories of horror and exploitation when we should find transformation. I have been lax about finding a place to dedicate myself to the underadvantaged (a too-weak word: poor and exploited) this summer. I don’t know where to go through if not through a church, and don’t know whether to go through a church, but these are no excuse. And then at times I find myself wondering what the good is of working where I am, and if it is not just an exercise in selfishness.

Other deep currents in my mind have been spun off by listening to a very interesting interview of Jonathan Haidt by Will Wilkinson on the topic of happiness and morality, from a social sciences and, at least on Wilkinson’s end, libertarian perspective.

Well, that wraps it up for this installation of The Blog.

Hardball delenda est.

I have been watching movies. Here are my thoughts on them.

The Happening

I continue to be one of those odd people who has hope in M. Night Shyamalan, despite his efforts to break it. I very much enjoyed Signs and The Village – two movies which most rank lower than Sixth Sense, but I enjoyed a great deal more. And I have noticed his capacity to tell a story. That said, The Happening has failed to tell a story well. There are many good moments of the film – particularly scattered throughout the movie’s middle section – and it is very evident that the kernel of the film is good. Unfortunately, Shyamalan is far too heavy-handed in many scenes – from trying to be preachy about the environment (a task, I feel, peripheral to the film, and furthermore better carried out with subtlety) to the acting. His opening and closing scenes are poor and out of step with the mood of the rest of the movie. The sad thing is that this reflects the same types of errors he made in Lady in the Water and even his earlier movies, too. He needs to swallow his pride and team up with a good editor, who could catch these problems (a lack of proper editing was an evident problem in The Happening) and assist him in producing something closer to the artistic vision which his stories aspire to. The Happening came off, all in all, as a half-finished Hitchcock film. It could’ve been great, but failed due to flaws that could easily have been prevented. Though I have not watched it in quite some time and it may have improved since, I felt very much like I did when I tried to start watching Battle Star Galactica: that here was a nugget of gold covered by so much junk that I wince to see such wasted opportunity. I’m afraid Shyamalan is becoming more and more an example of what I do not want to do to Story.

On a side note, I was also disappointed in the soundtrack. James Newton Howard can usually be relied on to do an outstanding job; I don’t know what happened there.

The Fall

Where The Happening is a failed attempt at cinematic art, The Fall exceeds in every way possible. The cinematography, for one, was quite possibly the best that I have ever seen in any movie. Almost every scene was an artistic exploration of the borderline between fantasy and reality. The characters were positioned precisely to show their emotions and relationships to one another – particularly as Roy was story-weaving to Alexandria on his bed. I don’t know that there’s been any other film I have seen where so many times I have been in awe of the deep artistry of the cinematography. The locations helped in part, as well as the simple, clean design of the sets, the boisterous colors and over-the-top costumes, all appropriately made to fit a child’s imagination. Visually, it was extraordinarily moving from beginning to end. The soundtrack, also, was beautifully done and fit the story like a glove.

Beyond just the technical brilliance, the story also was of incredibly high artistry. It is easy to write about dark themes in an adult setting, with adult characters interacting with other adults. To bring this into a story that depends so heavily on a small child is something else. The plot was original. It was deep. It was symbolic. Though it included a child, it did not explain itself fully, or treat the audience like a child. The sets may be that of a child’s imagination, but the child’s imagination speaks from and to an adult’s world. The characters are complex and multi-dimensional. It was not something I have come to expect from most movies.

All that is simply to say that this was easily the best movie I’ve seen this year. I have my doubts whether I will see a better one. I have never seen anything quite like it, and would gladly go again with a friend. If you have not had a chance yet to go out and see The Fall, and you are at all interested in movies that transcend just-entertainment and become pieces of art, I sincerely commend it to you. It is worth the price of admission and more.

I don’t know what I ever did online before I discovered this blog. Oh right – it’s not even two months old. It offers the best of photojournalism: pictures that are so good they transcend photojournalism and become art, while maintaining the story-telling quality of a good journalist. What am I doing in the field I think I am in, and why am I not redirecting my efforts to producing this sort of thing? I cannot urge you enough: take a look.

To move on so that the big scary post isn’t at the top of my blog…

Music rocks my world. Not in the same way finals have been rocking my world, but in a much better way. Here are 3 of the world’s most awesome soundtracks, which I’ve been listening to lately and which you’ve probably never heard:

1. Children of Dune by Brian Tyler

This was a soundtrack composed for a made-for-TV Scifi miniseries. The miniseries, while good, is wholly undeserving of the rich soundtrack it received. The score is evocative, with its strong mideastern instrumentations and haunting vocals and guitar solos. If you want to study how a theme can be woven throughout a score, replayed and tweaked and yet without getting old, you could do worse than listen to this score. Definitely one of my all-time favorites, and I strongly recommend it.

2. Lady in the Water by James Newton Howard

Forget what you thought about the movie. While most scores are very impressionistic, Lady in the Water goes one step further than most. It actually sounds, somehow, like water: like a bizarre cross between Debussy and Vivaldi. The melodies swell and rise and then retreat into the harmonies, much like the ocean’s tides; each time they go, they leave the listener satisfied and yet longing for more. But there is a sweetness to that. This is not a soundtrack where iTunes will do you much good: whoever did the sampling was either incompetent or had not listened to the tracks, for they do not give you so much of a hint of any of the major themes. This is a score, for fullest effect, best listened to all the way through.

3. A Series of Unfortunate Events by Thomas Newman

This score is simply fun and quirky, which also makes it very difficult to describe. But you can be sure you won’t hear anything else quite like it. Part of the score’s uniqueness comes from pizzicato effects, and part from its short and fast-paced songs. The overall effect is much like the movie, and much like the books: an old, industrialized style with a modern twist. Like the other soundtracks here, it is far from standard and offers a new musical adventure quite different from what you might be accustomed to.

Here is another piece of music I’ve been listening to lately. Mother India, by Caedmon’s Call, from their album Share the Well:

Father God, You have shed Your tears for Mother India
They have fallen to water ancient seeds
That will grow into hands to touch the untouchable
How blessed are the poor, the sick, the weak

Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace

The serpent spoke and the world believed its venom
Now we’re ten to a room or compared with magazines

Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace

There’s a land where our shackles turn to diamonds
Where we trade in our rags for a royal crown
In that place, our oppressors hold no power
And the doors of the King are thrown wide

Father, forgive me, for I have not believed
Like Mother India, I have groaned and grieved
Father, forgive me, I forgot Your grace
Your Spirit falls on India and captures me in Your embrace

Isn’t there something terribly real about that? It is not my desire to tell the Indians, or any other people for that matter, that they must confess or perish in hell. I have no authority to say that. But I want to show them the greatness of Christ, because that is ultimately what will bring anyone to him: his own beauty. And I want to bless them – yes, materially, for how much material good do I have? If I say God is good (or in traditional evangelism, that heaven is good), how can I not work for the betterment of their lives? If we are with the poor and downtrodden, perhaps we will meet God there, for that is where he lives. There something tantalizing about that, and something that moves me.

Come, let’s leave this place and go, giving God’s grace to all people without reservation.